


Inkblot

by JinjoJess



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinjoJess/pseuds/JinjoJess
Summary: But there was no way Dorothea could commit that to paper. It was too raw, too harsh, too true.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Inkblot

**Author's Note:**

> As always, Satomi is f!Byleth.
> 
> I'm having a shitty week and writing my feelings.  
> It's rough, which is pretty accurate to being me right now.

Dorothea gave the rope a gentle tug, testing its strength, before sitting back down at her desk. 

"Dearest Edel-chan," she wrote, quill looping against the paper. 

She paused then, tip hovering over the next blank line. 

What now? 

Dorothea knew what she wanted to write:  _ I'll never forgive you, you selfish brat. I love you so damn much. _

But there was no way she could commit that to paper. 

Too raw, too harsh, too  _ true. _

Dorothea had never told Edelgard the truth. Not the whole truth, anyway. Why start now? 

Satomi's letter had been easier. She was so frank, so open. Dorothea had rarely lied to her, openly confessing exactly how she felt. Satomi had smiled at her, gently taking her hands. 

"I wish I could have you both," she'd said. 

"Why can't you?" 

Satomi's eyes had dropped to her side. "El… I'd have to convince her."

_ Convince her of what? _ Dorothea had wanted to scream.  _ She didn't need to have her arm twisted while you were missing!  _

That wasn't Satomi's fault. She likely didn't even know. 

At least Satomi had afforded her the dignity of an outright rejection. Edelgard had simply stopped inviting her to her quarters after dark. Dorothea had sat up until the candles burned down waiting for Hubert to summon her. 

She'd known he wouldn't show up, but she'd waited anyway. 

The worst part of it, of all of it, was that Dorothea had stupidly allowed herself to expect something different. Edelgard was no regular noble, and she certainly wasn't a man, and Dorothea had so desperately wanted to believe things could be better, that somehow, women or royalty would be different. 

But no. 

Apparently it didn't matter. Dorothea was as disposable to a brigand with a few coins as the Emperor herself. 

Even Sothis, if she existed, would never want Dorothea's company for longer than it took to play cards. 

Perhaps what hurt the most was that Edelgard still did want her around. Dorothea was a treasured friend and confidant--a shoulder to cry on, a defender against nightmares and the creeping feelings of guilt and self-destruction.

But not as a lover. 

That was merely a spot Dorothea had been keeping warm until Satomi returned. 

No matter how Edelgard had writhed under her, it wasn't enough. 

No matter how tightly Edelgard had clung to her, it wasn't enough. 

No matter how softly Edelgard had whispered dark, private thoughts into her ear, it wasn't enough. 

None of it was ever enough. 

Dorothea pressed the tip of the quill against the paper, ink bleeding in all directions. She lifted the quill, studying the way the ink drew in the eye. The letter, not even yet written, was already ruined. 

There was no removing that splotch now. 

Better to never create it in the first place. 

Dorothea inhaled, gripping the edges of the writing desk. 

As much as she hated this cycle, she hated the thought of Edelgard, small and fragile, curled in on herself and muttering self-directed curses, more. 

Breath shuddering on the exhale, Dorothea picked up the pen again and reached for a fresh sheet of paper. 

"Dearest Edel-chan," she began again. "Please don't blame yourself."

**Author's Note:**

> Part of me wants to protect you, but part of me wants you to hurt the way I do.


End file.
